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23, m, virgin, I don't think I'm that bad looking, but if I lost a little more weight I'd be just fine in the dating world, but I haven't really had any luck. Since both are free, there's no real obligation to seek out people. I can confirm that I deal with tons of email from tons of guys.
I'd prefer to lose it to someone I can feel comfortable with, but if I can't get anywhere near the end of the year I'll probably hit up a site like Fling/AFF/craigslist and just get it over with so I start feeling a little more comfortable with sex in general. Here's a tip if you want to meet a woman..persistent if she's interested.
I personally know a chick that's a regular of ladyboners and a few other sex related subreddits. You can't find happiness, you have to create it. Yeah, this is bullshit because it's advice that someone gives once they've already accomplished those things, without describing the process. Self-esteem doesn't magically come out of the ether.
She's always in the subreddits trying to pick up on men, but it doesn't appear that they realize it. Normally, the reason people don't do these things is because they have some barrier to how they see the world--they don't trust people, they CAN' T put themselves out there because they're painfully shy, and the only thing worse than being how they are is giving up the only way of being that they've ever known. A lot of it involves getting in touch with yourself and others.
You need very few things at your age to meet a wonderful woman, but it's a quest. You're Link, or Luke, or some other hero of the story. I highly recommend Dale Carnegie's How to Win Friends and Influence People as well as a book called The Magic of Thinking Big. Be genuinely interested in what someone else has to say. Work out for God's sake, make your body look good. I've had a strong six figure job and a self esteem that was shit and couldn't get a date. If you hate your job reconsider it, maybe you're in survival mode for money but whatever it is you choose to do, you choose it, and you make it something you can be enthusiastic about. If you're a punk with a mohawk then there's a different but similar thing going on, it boils down to making yourself feel good about you first. The average shyish person will begin to see that they're interpreting things wrong--that other people aren't reacting as badly to them as they think.
First you must unlock the mystery of self confidence. Only the one true king can do it, but you just didn't know that was you the whole time because you were afraid to try. It's been a while, but I remember those as being very helpful to me in life. Because most people are not socialized well and they are taught to believe they deserve things they don't without effort. Now that you know how to communicate and you believe you can be awesome, start being awesome. I've also been a struggling artist and had to almost literally fight dates off. Mind, body, and soul is important, but the impressions are very, very important. If you feel good about yourself you will emanate something that is attractive. From there it's a long, slow process of becoming socially comfortable.
Go get scared, screw up, grow some confidence, and meet people in the world. She is an interesting person, that's why you feel attracted to her, why you want to spend time with her. Did you ever consider that maybe you are not interesting enough for them to take you? Often mild alcohol consumption is an important thing for shyish people here.
I wish you the best young man, treat her respectfully and go make the old guard proud. You'll get the hang of it, but make her pleasure important to you. After the many messages that I've received I just made /r/Ask Dad. I am annoyed by Reddit, or, to say it more precise: By the attitude of a large part of the youth today. My favourite is the "Need work experience to find a job" thing that comes up every now or then. Because any employer knows that those who don't have work experience are probably at fault themselves. Why doesn't she love him for the things he does? And, sure, some women might more or less consciously exploit that. Maybe it's not your lack of experience, mabye it's your horrible spelling, your lack of skills, your subtle disrespect for them, or any other of a million things. Well, good for you that you exercise 15 minutes a day. But this is a lot of trial and error--you can read as many of Dale Carnegie and John Gottman's books as you want--the lessons don't completely make sense until you experience the situation in real life.
For example, I love it when guys say they will meet up but no pressure on having sex the first time..meet and have drinks or whatever. Here's what I'd add to this -- the first time with a woman, it's not about you getting off. (This also applies to gay guys.) Forget you have a dick.I don't know, I guess the only thing to do is keep trying.Or kill myself, but I'm punting that until I'm 30, I figure 3 solid years of trying and failing is proof positive that things aren't going to work out.No expectations...good grammar and full sentences go a long way. Many men put together a standard message and then send to every possible girl hoping to get a response. It's like sending out the same resume to every job you apply for regardless of what the job posting asks for.edit: When a girl says she's really not interested, don't bother being "persistent". Almost any major metropolitan area will favour Po F or Ok Cupid. And if you believe there is, if you believe you are entitled to something, to anything - then you are, plain and simple, an idiot. Do you believe that you deserve things to be better? Then, my friend, you need to learn that the world is not a good and gentle place. Do everything you can with your hands and your mouth to drive her over the top.I always have a few guys contact me every day that I've already rejected..if she has expressed interest and she's just not taking the next step to meet up, then persistance with respect and patience goes a long way. Obviously you need to be respectful, understand sexual dynamics/game, but it's a lot simpler. But for those things that any person dreams of - a good partner, a nice place, a good job and a healthy social life, and for most other dreams that people might hold: You are not magically entitled to have it. Touch and lick and play with all the bits, eat her like a hungry puppy with a steak, work those nipples like you're trying to tune in the playoffs on a cheap radio in a canyon, make her beg for mercy, then don't stop.Edit: If you're a virgin your body is going to be so excited to have sex the first time you're going to be rubbish. I want to keep up with helping out but I can't respond to every pm as well as I would like. They are the self-entitled ones who believe that food should fly in their mouths, and that their great inner values are enough to become great, no work needed. The most ridiculous and sexist concept I have ever heard of. But that doesn't change the matter: If you believe that somebody else to love you because you do something nice for them; if you believe that somebody else needs to feel a certain way because of things you do - then you are an idiot. Maybe you are just unlucky, there are a few of those - but, if you are honest with yourself, the chance that you are one of them is small. Bad for you that you say yes to all those donuts and chips. You avoid that donut and in return you wake up in the morning and your trousers fit. And then as far as dressing nice--fuck, some people figure out a cool style, other people look in magazines/clothing websites and try to find examples of stuff they're not totally embarrassed wearing that seems to fit in with the current style.You can't expect to be an expert at something you're just trying for the first time. Don't watch porn to learn how to do this, read some of the great posts here about it. I thought a subreddit where other Dads could pitch in might be helpful. Sure, there might be one or two who would deserve better luck - but likely, when you are honest with yourself, you are probably not one of them. Yes, it's now applied in both directions, but traditionally it is that a woman "puts" a "nice" guy in the friendzone. If you are unhappily in the friendzone - you are an idiot, plain and simple. Is there a "fair" universe - where fair means biased in your favour - that gives you all the things you want? If you are on Reddit whining about your lack of friends or partner or your horrible job - then consider for a moment whether you are part of the problem, whether it is not your fault rather than the rest of the world being rude to you. Most people are socialised in this "get it all" society. You start reading a book on French and the next day you can talk fluently. But yeah, the breezy way Prolapsed Pineal describes all this is the sort of explanation that can only come from a dude who's been married for 20 years with stable friends/relationships for that long and completely forgets how tough it is building that stuff in the first place.Son, if you're 23 I have some words of wisdom for you. In the extreme case, talking to a professional therapist can help a bit.I'm almost old enough to be your dad and my boy and I talk pretty regularly about how the world works so I hope you don't take offense to my tone, it's meant to be helpful. Not that PUA shit, things that actually make you a better person, not a manipulative jackass. Even if your face is a mess, if you take care of yourself it tells someone else "this is a guy that takes care of himself". Now that you're a good communicator, have healthy self esteem, and have become more physically active we need to talk about your career. Polish your shoes, or at least clean your sneakers if that's your thing. In the more moderate cases, things like finding a friend/relative you trust to talk about how you feel and simple meditation can help you sort out why your relationships are the way they are.A good education, loving parents, food, shelter, a computer, maybe even a good spot in university or a good job. Well, guess what, you can get away with stealing when you do it right. I'm passionate about it and I enjoy it, but women automatically think it makes me a loser, so my passion has actually been a turn off to women all my life.If you want to be the person that you want to be - do something for it. How could you if you waste your time on Reddit or with porn? And you can suffer for doing good things, if you do it wrong. The problem is that starting a new hobby, something cool like rock climbing or playing music or whatever, requires making new friends whom you've never met, and if I was good at that I wouldn't be in this mess in the first place.