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Very often, couples are headed toward a bigger disconnect in the marriage -- and possibly divorce, says Pepper Schwartz, Ph D, professor of sociology, psychiatry, and behavioral medicine at the University of Washington in Seattle.
Schwartz is on the Health Advisory Board at Web MD, and author of several books including Prime: Adventures and Advice about Sex, Love, and the Sensual Years.
You have to decide, 'This is what I want, how do I proceed,'" she advises. You have to be willing to say this to your partner: "We need to jazz up our sex life. We have to set aside time for it.'" If your partner is unwilling, here's your dialogue: "We need to go for a brief round of counseling to get our priorities straight.
I'm not willing to settle for a relationship where you sit in a chair, pop a few beers, and our sex life is over." The stereotype of grumpy old men exists for a reason, Foley explains.
You're not going to alcohol or cocaine treatment classes. Realizing all that, your job is to get out of the doldrums.
You may have gotten into a rut." There's more at stake than simply boredom.
"The initial passion of any relationship changes after 18 months," says Sallie Foley, MSW, director of the Center for Sexual Health at the University of Michigan.
"If you're bitchy, if you treat each other with contempt, it's a warning sign.
If you want a sex life, then commit to making it happen, Foley says.
"Not everyone wants a sex life as they head into last third of life.
But AARP studies show that 65% remain sexually active." Put aside the romanticized, silver-screen notions of sex, Foley says.
"The majority of people your age are having good-enough sex.